so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
