Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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