There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
