Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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