the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The Olympian is in my bed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
