I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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