Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
