There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
