There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
