and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
