I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
