Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize