On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
