just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
