Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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