The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
