why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize