I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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