You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
