My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
