It was confusing and full of hummus
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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