fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
