did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
