And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
