we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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