There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
