Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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