apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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