I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
