Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
