Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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