The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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