the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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