dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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