Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
