I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize