did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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