First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
