i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
