help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I did not marry a roomba.
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