I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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