i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
