I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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