During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
