dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
