Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Randomize