I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
