If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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