my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
