One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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