Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I understand Curling. That high.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
