Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
