why didn't you poke me back
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize