My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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