I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
