i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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