He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
