I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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