Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Found the puke drawer
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
