found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My cat gives me a boner
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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