Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
handjob tips. give me some.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
