Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
