i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
