I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
