At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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