I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's blow job season.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
