so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this boner is exhausting
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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