what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is wine microwaveable?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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