How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
