So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he puts the penis in happiness.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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