I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
