Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
